I Paid For This?! Surviving the Editorial Letter

A guest post by Lisa Kilian of What Not To Do as a Writer

There comes a time in every writer’s life when the plot is adequately twisted, the characters are adequately developed, and all the typos have been eliminated with a laser gun. You think.

Actually, you’re not sure if any of that is true because you’ve been staring at the same document on your computer for so long you’re kind of wondering if maybe you didn’t go blind last week. You think you’re reading words. You think those words are good. The dreams about your story have stopped and now all you dream about is book parties and signings and big wigs and wine.

You think you’re ready to submit. To publish. To throw caution to the wind and send that manuscript off for some close reading. Except you haven’t been able to read your own manuscript closely for months now and you’re honestly not sure what it says anymore. Your characters could be marrying dogs or lost somewhere else in the muddle, you have no idea.

That’s why you need an editor.

Someone who doesn’t know you or love you but knows writing and loves reading freshly pressed work. Someone who will look at your characters and say, “Hey, cool story, but did you notice Sally marries a dog on page 23?”

When I receive a manuscript to read, I welcome it with open arms. And the brave writers who have sent their words to me wait patiently in the background brimming with nervous energy. It’s a great relationship. We email back and forth about little things. We laugh. I read and make notes.

And then I send the editorial letter. And that’s when the fun stops.

Right there, in one convenient document, is an overview of all the concerns I have regarding their manuscript. Plot holes, flat characters, lagging prose, over-telling, over-explaining, back story — all of it. Their manuscript is suddenly less pristine and more of a mess and I know I’m not gonna be the one to clean it up.

Receiving an editorial letter after you’ve paid to have your novel edited sucks. It just — sucks. That’s pretty much the only thing I can say. But! That same editorial letter that sucks so much to read is also the heart and soul of what you paid for. You asked someone professional with an objective eye to read your manuscript and deconstruct it — and that’s exactly what they did. And they even went one step further and gave you suggestions on how to clean up your mess.

Still, I can hear it through the email; the writer’s happiness just deflates. I receive an answer just dripping with defeat. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Steel your skin and prepare your mind before you open that letter. And remember these things:

 

1. What is a Finished Piece to You is a Rough Draft to Me

 

You may believe your manuscript to be finished and polished — but if you’re sending it to an editor, it’s not. Why else would it end up on an editor’s desk? There are things going on in your manuscript that you are simply blind to because you no longer have the distance and objectivity to see it. Why would you? You’ve spent months with your nose to the screen trying to figure out how to finish this thing.

 

2. Just Because You Receive In-Depth Edits Doesn’t Mean You Suck

 

Everyone receives in-depth edits. Everyone receives suggestions for change. Everyone has to get edited. I, too, am a writer. And my critique group always makes suggestions for changes. They even tell me ::gasp:: that something is not working. And I get sad. I go home. I take a nap. And then I rewrite.

 

3. By All Means, Get Angry — Just Don’t Call Me

 

When you receive edits and they seem overwhelming, you’re going to get angry. And you’re probably going to be angry at me. That’s the nature of the beast. So get angry. But remember that it’s not me you’re angry with. Frankly, you’re upset with yourself because you sent something that you thought was ready to go and it turned out to not be so ready after all. And that’s okay, really. It’s human nature to get upset when things are hard and writing is just that. So read your letter, take a few deep breaths, hit a punching bag, and take a nap. Seriously. Naps fix everything. When your emotions are defused and you’re ready to get back to work, then you can email me.

 

4. I’m Not Here to Make You Feel Bad

 

My job is to make your writing better, and by default, make you a stronger person. My job is not to take your money and rip your work to shreds. It is not in my interest to be snarky and make you feel like shit. I don’t want to make you give up.

I want to make your writing better. I want to make your writing better. I want to make your writing better.

That’s the first and last concern on any editor’s mind when we read your work.

Lisa Kilian is the author of the blog, What Not To Do as a Writer. She has had essays published at Beyond the Margins, Best Damn Creative Writing Blog, and Write It Sideways to name a few. Follow her @LisaKilian or email her at lr.kilian@gmail.com She would love to read your work.

The Secret of Writing Funny

writing funny

Writing funny

Do you want to learn the secrets of writing funny? Check out the five tips below.

Laughter has instantaneous health benefits including relaxation, lowering blood pressure, curing male pattern baldness and increasing immune system response.

Almost all of these health benefits can all be obtained by making your reader giggle, laugh, guffaw or otherwise shoot beverages out an unexpected orifice.

Before I share a few of the methods you can use to add humor to your writing, I’d like to digress for a moment by predicting and addressing your objections.

  • “I’ve just never been a very funny person.”
    Have you ever laughed at something? A sense of humor is a bi-directional feature. If you can laugh, you can make someone else laugh.
  • “I write about stuff that is serious.”
    Surprising your readers with a chuckle in the midst of a serious discussion is a terrific way to build a loyal following. Notice I said chuckle – after all, this is serious stuff.
  • “When I try to be funny, nobody gets it.”
    You’re trying too hard. Stop that.
  • “I’m a writer.  I don’t tell jokes.”
    The rules of good writing also apply to humor. Show, don’t tell.
  • “But, I write poetry | fiction | a blog | non-fiction | essays | on bathroom walls | screenplays.”
    Perfect!

Humor isn’t one-size-fits-all, but there are several techniques you can use to drag a smile out of almost anyone.
Tip #1: Be the joke. There’s only one way to make fun of something without offending anyone else, and that’s if you’re making fun of yourself. Your readers will welcome the invitation to laugh with you. This applies to poking fun at your accoutrements as well – parents, spouses, siblings, children, dogs, hamsters and fish. Never make fun of the cat.

Tip #2: Be specific. Generalizations can be funny, but specificity is better. For example, a story about squirrels would be funnier if it were about nine beady-eyed squirrels that stuck to the side of my deck in formation, reminding me of the time my little brother glued his G.I. Joe’s to the kitchen wall and declared war against all things legume.

Tip #3: Use comedic timing. This can be as simple as applying the funny word, phrase or sentence at the last possible moment. You can force a pause before the punch line by starting a new paragraph. If you’re telling a story, you can use this technique to apply the element of surprise, taking the reader in an entirely unexpected (and funny) direction. This method works 100% of the time.
Unless it doesn’t.

Tip #4: Use a thesaurus. A single word can be really, really funny. It may be the way they sound or even how they’re spelled that gets the laugh. You’ll know immediately when you see one, which is why your thesaurus is essential. For example, destroy is routine but pulverize is hilarious. Yellow is conventional but chartreuse is witty. Surprise is ordinary but flabbergasted is priceless.

Tip #5: Use a swipe file. This is one of the best tools for anyone who writes. A swipe file is a collection of really good stuff that you didn’t think of first. Despite the name, there is no plagiaristic aspect to a swipe file. These tidbits are purely for inspiration. I keep my file electronically, and two of my favorite items are transitory phrases: ‘Not to be outdone’ and ‘In a related development’. These are quite useful in introducing a comic turn of events. Feel free to swipe them. I did.

Tip #6: Edit the crap out of it. (Notice how double entendres aren’t really that funny.) The truth is that being funny is incredibly hard work for most of us. Your first draft has some good stuff in it. Use the rules above to make it better. Then do it again. Then read it out loud to someone who doesn’t speak your language. This avoids humiliation while allowing you to hear, and correct, the cadence of your writing. When you think you’re done, ask a friend to read it, silently, in your presence. Focus your attention on the outer corner of their eyes while trying to appear indifferent.

When you see the crinkle, start breathing again. When you see the grin, let out a sigh of relief. When the grin turns into giggle, you’ll find that you are giggling, too. When the giggle turns into a guffaw, send the piece to your editor with the serenity that can only come from contributing to the good health and soda-stained keyboards of your readers.

Author: Annie Binns

Click here to read the article: How to Write Funny