A Guest Post by Tomas Stonkus of Uncertain Change
I have one question for you: “When did you grow up?”
OKAY, that is actually just the first question. Here’s the rest.
Do you remember that exact moment when you decided to stop having fun and start being serious? Do you know when your careless smile was replaced by a frown? Do you know when you stopped believing in your dreams and decided to become reasonable?
Maybe it was around the time when you stopped playing.
Until that point, the whole world seemed to be your playground!
There were no rules, no limitations. Everybody told you that you could be anybody you wanted to be. Nobody ever said no to your dreams; instead, they just encouraged you never to stop believing in yourself and just to keep striving for your craziest goals! It was still OKAY to believe in fairy tales, dragons, elves, Santa Claus, heroes, princes, and princesses. It was still okay to believe in magic! There was so much to explore, so much to see, so much to experience.
What is more important is that you thought you could do it all!
Nevertheless, one day you stopped playing.
It’s because everybody around you stopped playing with you. Just because you grew a little bit older, the “grown ups” decided that you should understand the world for what it “truly” is: a very risky place. Not only that, but taking risks should be avoided at all costs because of the possibility of failure.
Life showed it’s “true” colors all of the sudden: it was a mix of black and white. The other colors seemed to have disappeared somewhere. Being serious and being cautious became the norm. Suddenly there were rules! And they were everywhere. People started telling you to grow up, to do this and not to do that. It seems like there was a correct answer for everything: from how you should dress to how you should act and what you should think! More importantly, nobody wanted to play anymore.
But you do want to play and have fun, don’t you?
I do too!
Before we move on, remember this: life is a risky place. And, guess what? Risky life leads to a fun, rewarding and magical life if you are ready accept that you are going to fail. All you have to do is to remember how to have fun even while you fail!
That is possible only when you are playing.
It’s OKAY.
You probably forgot how to play and need a place to practice. Alright, let us practice together. Let’s go play at the ultimate playground: blogosphere!
The Ultimate Playground
It is a cool place, isn’t it? So many weird and interesting people play here.
Look!
There are so many of them and everybody is having fun! However, if you want to play here, you must know a couple of rules first:
- There are no rules (ironic, I know)
- You cannot possibly fail
- The rewards are limitless
- Nothing is serious
Indeed, it is a strange place. Blogosphere can be as real as you want it to be. You can make it your real life extension or you can start a new life on the blogosphere and make your real life your blogging extension. The only thing that matters is knowing where you want to be and what you want to become.
Playing in a blogosphere can be confusing at first. That is why I have put together the following guidelines for you to follow.
- Pick what you want to be.
If you do not know, it’s OKAY! You will learn what appeals to you as you keep playing in the blogosphere. If you do have an idea, it’s fine! It will make the process so much faster. Either way, every single person on the blogosphere is a creator. Some people write, some people draw, some people create music, and some solve problems. Ultimately, it does not matter what the specific definition is. What matters is that you will end up creating as well. Do you want to be a writer, a life coach, a consultant, a musician, a marketing guru, a dating guru, a comedian, a journalist, a social activist? The list goes on! Take your pick. - Start creating. |
It might be scary at first, but remember the first rule of the blogosphere: there are no rules. Did you ever have crazy ideas come to you that you were too scared to share with anybody? Did you ever think of things that you thought made no sense? Did you ever think of an idea and wanted to see how others would accept it? If you did any of the above-mentioned things, then you are in the right place. That’s why we are all here. Don’t think about it twice, just start creating. Whatever comes to mind, put it out there in the form of music, writing, drawing, a video recording! - Get help.
Blogosphere is a very friendly place because nobody ever fails. People are eager to help. Many of them will help you out for free! There are more resources here for creation than you could have ever thought. If you are stuck and having a tough time creating something – speak out and ask for help. You will always be answered. - Make friends.
Did I mention that people in the blogosphere are very friendly? Don’t be afraid because you cannot fail. People here are eager to meet new people and make new friends. It is much easier than you think! You can make friends by helping others, by commenting on their creations or simply by connecting with your already existing friends. Nobody will ever say no to a new player in the blogosphere. - Ask for feedback or NOT.
By now, you will have created something and you will want to know how you are doing or NOT. It’s up to you! If you want to create just for the sake of creating and expressing yourself, it’s great! Many people do just that. However, if you do want feedback, just ask! Sometimes the feedback will come to you anyway in the form of views, comments, tweets, time spend on the website and so on. Then you can use feedback to assess how you are doing and if you are creating something others enjoy. - Improve at your own pace.
There is no rush or need to improve. It is all up to you! If you want to improve to finally become what you set out to be, then repeat steps 2 through 6 as many times as you want. In no time, you will reach your goal all the while having tons of fun! The best thing is that you don’t have to stop there because the rewards are limitless. You choose how much fun you want to have.
Did you have fun playing in the blogosphere? I did too!
Since you are already playing in the blogosphere, why not play all the time and making your “real” life the extension of you blogosphere life? You’ve had so much practice and learned so much. Why not take what you have learned in the playground and apply it to your everyday life? You already know how to do that!
Since your real life is the extension of your blogosphere life, then the same rules apply as well:
- There are no rules
- You cannot possibly fail
- The rewards are limitless
- Nothing is serious
Heck, you can even use the same guidelines for playing in the “real” life as for playing in the blogosphere!
So the next time somebody asks you: “When did you grow up?” you just tell them that you are still growing.
Tomas Stonkus is the creative genius behind Uncertain Change. If you are looking for honest, blunt and practical ideas on how to lead a multidimensional life, subscribe here.
Photo credit: Photo by benchilada
A heads-up for those who want to play in the Blogosphere
Leo and Mary will run the next A-list Blogging Bootcamp, How to Create a Blog that Rocks from 13-17 February. Everyone had a blast last time! We’ll be emailing some great articles on blogging. Get yourself on the mailing list by clicking on Leo’s report in the sidebar.
I’m not sure I agree with the rule “You cannot possibly fail.” I think it very much depends on what you want. If you want a lot of readers or to create an income stream, it’s entirely possible to fail. For over a year, I wrote a blog called Daily Breadcrumbs, which was a secular humanist’s take on the Bible. Even after a year and a half, my readership was about a half-dozen. If I’d been doing it for fame and fortune, that would have definitely been a fail. (Since I wasn’t, it doesn’t matter, but the principle remains.)
Tomas, great article. Another thing i’ve learned: Sometimes the people you choose to play with end up not being very fun. No problem, choose another group. Most important: don’t give up. You’ll always find “your” kind of people, sometimes you just have to keep looking.
PAPA
“There is no rush or need to improve. It is all up to you!”
What a fantastic insight! That is what I love the most about the blogosphere, the space and freedom to do what I want.
To Julie:
failing is natural and common. Fail fast is what success people recommend. That’s key to reaching the success ladder, sooner or later. That’s like wanting to become the best at scoring goals. You’re not afraid to kick the ball, right? You’re actually kicking as many balls as fast as possible, in order to score the maximum…
Good ideas. I dont think we should ask for feedback thought. I think it makes us seem pushy.
Perhaps ‘asking’ for feedback is not the right approach to to take. Try thinking about inviting feedback – putting the vibe and message out to say, ‘Hey, I don’t NEED you to critique my stuff, but if it’s made you think or react at all, let me know!’
I find that when people go out of their way to push me for feedback, it’s a bit of a turnoff. When I find a post that’s genuinely inspiring or thought-provoking, I’ll go out of my way to let the author know. and that’s going to be more genuine than the twentieth “Great post” comment in a row, left out of a sense of obligation.
Thanks for sharing. This is so what I’ve been thinking about lately. What’s my hook? What’s my area of distinction. I’ve been pondering the movie, Julie and Julia (though I’ve yet to see it). And I think about a hook for my website. It’s 365 days to what?
My collection of essays, “Sleeping With the Laundry,” is being released as an iPhone application this March. They are funny pieces on parenting and being a mom. And I’m working on a marketing plan to promote it. So I’d like to come up with an idea to promote the book and build community around my website. To make it build to something, like Julie and Julia did.
Some ideas:
365 days to 1001 followers? Yes, we all need friends.
365 days to 1001 sales? Very self promoting.
365 days of parenting advice? Maybe reading books of experts and trying them out on my kids.
Thanks for sharing. It’s got me thinking again. And thanks for the permission to be ourselves and even to fail.
Best,
Margee
Boy, just recasting our serious thoughts from work to play is a huge shift. I can feel it when I start to apply the concepts of “there are no rules” and “you can’t fail” to my writing. Really makes a difference!
@Julie When you play you cannot possibly fail. You play to have fun, not achieve a particular outcome. I guess it all depends on your perspective. But if you look at blogosphere, or the world for that mater, through the glasses of playfulness, then failure never really enters the picture, it’s just pure fun. Try it, you might be surprised by what you discover :)
@Papa You are so right! Sometimes we do choose the wrong people to play with! But like you said, it is always easy to find those who want to play and have fun. There are ALWAYS options!
@Annemieke Yea, isn’t it wonderful? Once I realized that, then I felt like a kid again, the whole world was a beautiful place where everything was possible!
@Raviaa Thank you for the insight! I am true believer in that! However, you must fail with a purpose of achieving something, otherwise you are just wasting your time. Think about it. If you fail writing great articles, but you have no inspiration to be a write one day, then it does you no good! But if you are trying to write a book one, then it might be just what you need! Purposeful “failing” is great as long as it’s done in good spirits.
@David Parsons Disagree because feedback is the best way to show others that you care about what you are doing. Also, even if you appear to be pushy? So what? You are trying to get better and you want to know if you are on the right track! Feedback is a great tool for growth and it also puts you out of your comfort zone :)
@Pip Hun Interesting take. There are many ways to ask for feedback. One of them is comments, doing polls and so on. It does not have to be annoying “Hey, what did you think?” approach. You can always ask if there are areas for improvement, what your readers like or dislike. Asking for feedback includes your friends that you make online or offline. If they care enough for your growth and well being they will take the time to provide honest feedback!
@Maxiemom Good luck coming up with the hook! Congratulations with the iPhone app! It’s amazing :) So far as the ideas for the marketing plan are concerned, I am really not sure why you exactly chose “365 day to X”, but I saw one blogger succesfully use a similar formula, it was “279 days to overnight success. Just try to key into what you message is going to be and what you want you potential customers to think, when they read your message. With that in mind sit down and write out even the silliest ideas that come to your mind! Don’t be shy, just let it out, who cares if you are having fun :)
@Charlotte Rains Dixon Oh yes! You explore this whole new you and the whole new world. Experiment and see what works and what does not! :)
Hi Tomas .. as you so rightly say – the blogosphere is a fun place – we just need to connect with like minded friends, and then live and learn, publish and move on learning as we go.
We also get an opportunity to do something completely different, perhaps not explored in work life as such .. a new passion, a new way to express, to connect with – great place .. anything we don’t like we move on & don’t need to connect ..
Like your title .. don’t be uncertain (of) change ..it offers so much ..
Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspirational Stories
Hilary:
Love it! Seems like you understand the spirit of the blogosphere: we can “do something completely different, perhaps not explored in work life as such .. a new passion, a new way to express, to connect with”
Exactly! Anything and everything is up to you! You can be anything and anybody you want :) You create a brand new you here and then import it to your real life:)
Thanks for the compliments :)
Best,
Tomas
Hi Tomas,
Love this! Occasionally I find myself getting a bit serious about my blog and all the ‘rules’ and ‘shoulds’ I think I should follow. But you are right–you gotta have fun with this; it’s meant to be fun!
Thank you for that reminder. I absolutely LOVE being a blogger; now it’s time to add that spirit of playfulness back in. And…after witnessing two family members in critical condition at the hospital this week, you couldn’t be more right-on in that it doesn’t need to be serious in the blogosphere!
Now I’m going to go check out your blog…
Best wishes to you!
Michelle
In 4th grade I discovered tetherball. Until then I had been afraid of the 6th grade boys, afraid I’d fall off the slide, afraid I’d get hit by a snowball, afraid to join in. It was such a relief to have a safe corner of the playground to run to at recess; it built my confidence and gradually eliminated my fear. Thanks for this analogy—I’ve discovered myself in the Blogosphere and it’s eliminating fear.
@Michelle Exactly! That is spirit of blogging: fun! Come out and play :) I am sorry to hear about your family members and I hope they are doing alright now. However, one does really learn a lot from stressful situations and what really is important in life. And Thank you for taking the time to look at my blog :)
@Travelinoma Yes! Besides being a playground, the blogosphere can also be a training ground where you train yourself to be the person that you want to be and eliminate fear. Ultimately you will notice that no matter what you choose to be, there will be people who will accept you just for who you are!
Awesome article! So very upbeat and yet it’s all true. I did all those steps when I first started blogging and had no idea what I was doing but I just went for it. It really is a playground.
Thanks for this!
Playgrounds always exist – it is up to us to remember to be alive and play.
as I said on the authors site:
My blog is my playground, so is my lovers embrace … I remembered in my mid 30′s what I knew as a child. Sometimes I wonder just what is so great about growing up? I am grateful that I remembered in time to spend the rest of my days seeing, finding and embracing new playgrounds, whether it be in a theatre company, in a dance class, in a photography montage project … play. I am grateful for the little girl in me having screamed loud enough to wake me up!
Great post.
@Mokibobolink Thank you for the compliments :) I am glad you were able to realize all of that without any help and just decided to go for it and have fun :)
@Fantasia Lillith: Great observation – playgrounds are everywhere. Sometimes we just forget to see them for what they are. The whole world is STILL our playground, we just have to remember how to play.
Best,
Tomas
Hey! I still have not grown up in my, ahem 30 plus years! I think when it comes to “not failing,” it depends on your OWN definition of failure, right? Depends on YOUR goals, hopes, and expectations, not anyone elses. But, a blog will be a work in progress for a while, so I think of it more as setbacks than failures… feedback? Ahhh… yes I have not asked, but actually would like some… BTW, there is no Santa Claus?
Julie:
Is there Santa Claus? I don’t know. Do you believe there is? Hehe…
Ultimately, everything in your life depends on how you define it. That is why we have to remember how to play and experiment in order to find out who we are :)
Best,
Tomas